Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
