you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
