I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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