So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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