Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
