i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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