a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
