The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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