I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
