I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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