i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As shirtless as possible
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
