I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
