I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
