I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
