He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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