6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
