He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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