Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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