I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
