saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
