That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
