I'm jealous of your bromance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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