smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
