You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
