I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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