i permit you to call me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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