he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you never un-have a 4some
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
