She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
