you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
soo... how was my night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
