My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
