He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
