That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
