Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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