Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
