i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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