Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
