Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
