I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
