Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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