I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
