Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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