Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
