Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
