That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
