I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
