i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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