I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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