Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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