I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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