Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
