I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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