I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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