C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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