i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
