at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
