i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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