I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
