I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
