Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
