Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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