if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize