He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
