there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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