Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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