I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
