mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
