Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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