I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
