in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Jerry, you need to find god
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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