Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
