puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
