Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Houston, we have a squirter
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
