return my video game
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
