The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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