just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
