Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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