I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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