I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
