just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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